ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
