i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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