What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
