I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
