i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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