I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
