they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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