okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
