just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
