so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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