I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
