somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
