im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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