i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
