I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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