I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
