exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
