Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
