I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
