I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How external is "for external use only"?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I love you.
Bad choice
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
