so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
