I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
