He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
