you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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