Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
