I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
