My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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