i was born a porn star she said
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
