i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
