there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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