Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was like eating out sand paper
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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