I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The best revenge is premature balding
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
