what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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