So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
