He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
