4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
false alarm. still invincible.
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grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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