just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Come on in and take your pants off
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
