she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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