Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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