do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
