apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
