I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
