she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
