i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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