He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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