Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
