Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
