I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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