If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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