I think im going to throw up on grandma
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando