it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.