Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I won the penis lottery.
false alarm. still invincible.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.