I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back