In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday