You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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