I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
