We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
