Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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