I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
