Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
