I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
