I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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