I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
