There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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