dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
