I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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