im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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