Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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