This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
