i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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