Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
