Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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