yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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