i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
