Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
