Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
