DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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